Cutting ties with negative people

I am the queen, the master, the conqueror of cutting people off. Why should you have to entertain someone that is disrespecting you, using you or simply never there for you when you need them? You shouldn't. Get rid.

How can you be investing your time into someone that is disrespectful towards you, your ambitions and your well being? To me it just doesn't make sense. Yet the majority of people will let someone walk all over them and 9 times out of 10, they only have their own interests at heart. This realisation is a bitter pill to swallow.

*Cue K Camp "it ain't nothing to cut that b-- off"*. OK first things first. Cut them off. Cut them out. Out of your phone and out of your life, block block block! Facebook, twitter, Instagram, any social media, GET RID. The more you think about 'checking up' on whoever it is, the more you will hurt yourself in the long run. You don't need to see what this person is doing with their life, you don't need to see if they're happier without you. Remember, everyone puts on a 'happy front' on social media, it's not real life. Keep telling yourself this every time you want to 'check up'.

Girls, I know most of you are lurkers, just don't do it. Every time you feel like you want to, do 50 press ups, go pet a dog, go for a walk, call a friend, do ANYTHING to take your mind off of it. Lurking won't make you feel better. This person was a lesson in your life, if they were meant to be in your life, they still would be. (But they're not so block all contact and delete - this is especially good for those drunken nights you want to drunk call people you shouldn't).

Friendships and relationships, to be a team is everything. No half-arsed effort. Who you spend your time with, is who you pick up your habits, mannerisms and reputation from. So if they're 'not very nice' chances are, you'll become just like them. Surround yourself with positive people who encourage and inspire you. People that WANT you to do well. If your friend goes crazy off a celebrity's new book launch, but won't read anything you've written, chances are they're not bothered about your success.

If someone leaves you, friendship or relationship. Remember they left. They don't love you, not to say they never did, but they don't now. You were the one left alone and hurting, why would you want to entertain that when thy come back to you after they're done. Why would you WANT someone to come back to you after hurting you? Give your head a shake and take responsibility for your own happiness. You always deserve more than what you had. If you want a real love, stop entertaining people who only appreciate you when they've lost you.

Don't ever think that you NEED someone. Yes love, care and grow with someone, but you don't ever need anyone else. Take control of your own happiness and the rest will follow. Don't waste your time trying to find happiness in someone else. You'll only end up disappointed.

OK, now I've had a little rant, here is how you can cut ties with those negative people, negative memories and negative feelings.

Here is a *explicit - disclaimer* diagram for you visual learners.
(Sorry I realise that this is very wordy!)

Sarah Knight 

• Not giving a flying cabbage, will change your life. Free you from stress, emotional pain and anxiety so you can begin to LIVE your life to the fullest. 
• Thinking about what other people think of you if your worst enemy. You are not put on this earth to please others. You could be a Saint and someone will still have an opinion about you, that says more about them than it does about you.
• "There are two reasons you tend to give a f-- about what other people think: one, because you don't want to be a bad person, and two, because you don't want to look like a bad person" - Sarah Knight
• Take care of yourself first, physically and mentally. You can say no to someone if you don't want to do something, if you can't afford it or if you don't have time. It's not a sin.
• Free up space in your life by getting rid of the negativity. Being shouted out? Made to feel small? Someone going out of their way to make you feel awful about yourself? Block and delete, they can't bother your mind again.
• Don't feel bad about ridding yourself of someone. Do what is in your best interest, no matter how long it takes you to see who they really are, people's true colours always show eventually. You don't want to look back in years to come and think your 20's/30s/40s (there is no age boundary to cut ties) were a shamble because you gave so much time and effort to someone that didn't give you any back. 
• Delete photos, delete the memories. (This can take some time to do, bite the bullet and just do it). If you can look back on something and have no negative feelings about that person and they're out of your life, you deserve a round of applause because not everyone is as good as you. If you do have negative thoughts, that's okay too, you're just not finished on this journey yet. Throw the memories out, you don't need them anymore.
• Start believing in yourself. Believe you are a QUEEN (or king) in everything you do. Believe you can go out and get that job they said you couldn't. Believe you can get a first in that assignment. Believe you can get that promotion at work. Believe you can be happy without them. Believe you can do anything you put your mind too and prove them all wrong.
• Success is the greatest 'revenge'. *I do not condone revenge or any sort of trash talk about an ex-friend or ex, it's not cool people*.
• Do you and continue to DO BETTER.

"It's so hard to find someone who only has eyes for you. Eyes that don't wander, a mind that is certain. People will spit out the words I love you yet harbor some sort of lustful attraction to others. They'll claim to love you yet entertain the idea of someone else" r.h.Sin 

Being cheated on has devastating affects on your mind and body. You question whether you're good enough, maybe that's why they did it. You question if you're doing enough for them. You question if you can do more to make your other half not cheat. Don't ever question yourself. You are more than enough, you just happen to be with someone who is weak and doesn't deserve you. Don't waste your time and energy on them anymore, walk away.

If you ever find someone who is mentally, physically and emotionally loyal to you. Appreciate that, people like that are incredibly hard to come across. Let these relationships and friendships find you, you can't go out looking for them, they will form at the right times for you. Pure relationships can't be rushed or forced remember.

Happiness starts with you. Make a change and keep busy. Don't allow people to make you feel as if you are beneath them and if someone does, they are the weak ones. Walk away and don't look back. Trust me you'll be happier without them.

Dyslexia and me

Many people are under the common misconception that people with dyslexia are dumb, slow or just total utter idiots that don't understand anything academic. 

1. Agatha Christie
2. Albert Einstein
3. Alexander Graham
4. Hans Christian Andersen
5. Leonardo Da Vinci
6. Thomas Edison 
7. Walt Disney
8. Woodrow Wilson
9. Winston Churchill
10. Sir Richard Branson
11. Danny Glover 
12. Whoopi Goldberg

You'll recognise these big household names for their achievements, but I wonder how many know they they are all dyslexic.

For those that aren't aware about dyslexia or what it does...
It's a general term for a learning difficulty that makes it increasingly challenging to read and write words, letters and symbols. It does not however, affect general intelligence. We are not stupid!

Growing up dyslexic 

Growing up dyslexic is extremely hard. Make no mistake about that. Reading is near enough impossible, our spelling the majority of the time is atrocious and when it comes to taking in information, expect us to read it a good 4-6 times before we can take in anything.

I remember once being asked to read out loud in class, which was mortifying for me. I'm pretty sure I was the person - like in most schools, that everyone rolled their eyes at when being asked to read out loud. I stuttered on most words and I was terrified. Terrified of not being able to read properly, terrified of stuttering and terrified of being laughed at. Anyway, I'd read the same line 4 times before my teacher told me - luckily for my self confidence, she never asked me again! That's only one example of something that I personally struggle with.

For those that aren't dyslexic, here is just SOME examples of what we see when we read.

Above is how I personally see letters when I read. A double effect makes my eyes water, I start to squint to stop the double vision (which doesn't work) and its just one part of the reading nightmare. 

 The picture above is called the river effect. This is the second part of what I see when I read.The spaces between the words are exaggerated. It is extremely distracting, frustrating and makes reading pretty much unbearable. 

This is another image of what people that have dyslexia see. Understanding the nightmare of us trying to read yet?!

So if the reading, comprehension, writing and learning wasn't enough, we then have everyone else to overcome! School isn't the easiest place at the best of time and having dyslexia makes it 1000x more difficult. It is so so easy to knock someone with dyslexia back, especially if they are already embarrassed by what they cannot do. What many people don't understand is that even though we know we have dyslexia, we still feel less intelligent than everyone else around us in academic situations.

However, dyslexics have many strengths that they would perhaps not have without their dyslexia. 

1. We can see the bigger picture. "It's as if people with dyslexia tend to use a wide-angle lens to take in the world, while others use a telephoto, each is best at revealing different kinds of detail" Matthew H. Schneps, Harvard University
2. We can find the odd one out. Scientist Christopher Tonkin, who was dyslexic, described his unusual sensitivity to "things out of place". People with dyslexia are better at identifying and memorising complex images. 
3. We are able to see patterns in complex systems.
4. We have great spatial knowledge. We can visualise 3D objects in our minds.Which is great for architects!
5. We're fab picture thinkers. We tend to think in pictures rather than words, therefor we learn better with pictures.
6. We've got sharper peripheral vision. We can take in a whole scene or situation even though it is hard to focus on individual words. For example, we could pick out the letter T in a situation like this fairly quickly.. LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLTLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
7. We make great business entrepreneurs, because we are great strategical thinkers and we are very creative. Sir Richard Branson describes it as thinking in a different way, with his dyslexia guiding the way he communicated with his customers.
8. We are highly creative. Many of the worlds greatest actors are dyslexic.
9. We're great at problem solving. We are able to solve problems with creative approaches. We do this the most when you may think we're day dreaming. But really our brain is sliding into a neutral state, allowing itself to solve a problem easily. However, those with dyslexia know the difficulty of trying to explain that to a teacher that thinks you're just not listening.

Dyslexic people just learn in a different way. Some learn better whilst fiddling with something on the table, some learn better with pictures, some learn better with their eyes closed, some learn better when they're tapping (also if you've ever wondered why I over use the bold and underline feature, it's so its easier for me to read back - dyslexic problems).

Many people don't understand is that you don't just 'get over' dyslexia, you don't just wake up one day and can read (or whatever else you suffer with your dyslexia) with ease. You can however make your dyslexia work for you.

One thing that saved me was my overlays. An overlay is a particular coloured sheet of plastic, that you hold over white paper. Oh that's another thing, us dyslexics find it extremely difficult to read on a white background/paper (this makes day to day situations super fun - not). I also worked through the 'Beat Dyslexia' (https://shop.acer.edu.au/acer-shop/group/1796BK) books everyday throughout primary school, I used Word Shark (www.wordshark.co.uk/index.aspx) to work on my spelling and typing skills. I also went on a weeks dyslexia course, where me and about 6-8 other children were taught different ways to tackle our dyslexia and it also boosted our self esteem dramatically.

I have been very fortunate to have had the help and support that I have got from my family, friends and teachers.  And with my determination I have got to where I am today, don't get me wrong it is still a struggle and its painful knowing that no matter how hard I work, I wont ever achieve the grade to match the work I have put in. But that's life. Never in one million years would I have seen myself as a journalism student and wanting to make a career out of it for myself.

So for you dyslexics out there, don't let anyone ever make you feel as if you cannot do something or that you are not good enough! 

You will never know what other are going through with any situation, be that physically or emotionally. So please remember to be kind, patient and considerate of others. And if you can't manage this for whatever bazaar reason, at least teach your children these values. We need more understanding and caring people in this world that will build others up, not tear them down.

Coping with grief

Lets not beat around the bush, you don't deal with grief. It doesn't get 'easier', you just get a hell of a lot stronger. 

 

Grief is something we all go through, be it a death of a loved one, a friendship that has fallen apart or a relationship that has ended. We grieve and its only natural.

The past 6 months have been extremely rough, which is why I feel open and confident enough to be able to share this with you. I've been on this incredibly challenging, exhausting emotional roller coaster so I'm sharing with you a few home truths, how to accept your grief and hopefully someone, somewhere will find what I have to say inspiring, motivational or even an eye opener to the situations around them so they can challenge whatever is hurting them inside.

I am extremely lucky to take after my Mother, she has this innate ability to be able to pick herself up from the very bottom and get herself get back on track to where she needs to be. And I hope someone after reading this, is able to pick themselves up, dust themselves off and become the best they can be.

The one thing I wish someone had told me when I was hurting is...

"Sometimes you end up never speaking to someone who meant the world to you again. And that's okay. You cope and you survive. Don't let your losses keep you back from new gains"

Know that whatever is hurting you right now, the worst of it has already gone or its happening right now. I bet your chests tight, your stomachs in knots, the lump in your throat just keeps getting bigger, you're finding it hard to keep your composure and at any little given moment you're going to snap. Take a backseat, close your eyes and breathe deeply, count to ten and when you open your eyes you are going to boss whatever you're doing today.

Lets not kid ourselves, grief is the most unimaginable pain a person can go through. It doesn't get easier, 10, 20 years down the line those special dates, Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries you will still shed a tear and that's perfectly normal.

 “You’ve got to trust yourself. Be gentle with yourself. And listen to yourself. You’re the only person who can get you through this now. You’re the only one who can survive your story, the only one who can write your future. All you’ve got to do, when you’re ready, is stand up, {and begin again.}”
― Tessa Shaffer, Heaven Has No Regrets

Grief comes in five stages and unfortunately, we have to go through each one until we come out the other side stronger.

• Denial - Life makes no sense, you're numb, empty, you're wondering how and if you can go on. At this moment everything is meaningless. Take each hour as it comes, that's all you can do at first, take an hour, turn it into two. You get through it, you survive. The hours will soon turn to taking each day as it comes. These feelings of grief are immensely overwhelming, but think of it as the feelings and emotions you are going through, is your body's way of telling you how much you can take, which is an awful lot. You become stronger everyday.

• Anger - Anger is something that sometimes can feel endless, I know for me it was. Underneath anger is always pain, you feel abandoned, at this moment in time your anger is your strength, embrace it. It shows how much you truly loved that person and we hold onto this anger so that we still have a connection with our loved one.

• Bargaining - Before loosing someone, many people, even the people that aren't religious turn to God, you say to Him, "Please God, I'll do anything, but please don't take them from me". You constantly bargain with yourself, the "what if's" that go through your head, the "if I had just done this differently, things would be different". We all want to go back in time and we find faults within ourselves to cope with this. 

• Depression - We are now focusing on the present, the here and now. Here is where your grief is at the deepest, almost as if you are left in a deep thick fog and can't find your way out. The loss of a loved one is an extremely depressing situation, do let let anyone say to you "snap out of it" when you are ready, when you are able to heal it when you are able to pick yourself back up. This is normally when you come to terms with your loss.

• Acceptance - You accept that your loved one isn't coming back. You understand and accept that physically, they are gone. We learn to live with it, its not normal, but its a new normal for us. We have to readjust and adapt to life without them. You can never replace someone you have lost, nor would you want to, but we do change, we grow and we become stronger and we start to live our lives again.  

"Don't let fear of loss, or the losses themselves, take away your ability to enjoy the wonderful life that is yours.” Barbara Cooper

 
Sometimes our bad days turn into bad weeks, bad months and we continue like that. You need to step up, be the person you needed when you were younger, be the person you need when you are hurting, because if you don't look out for yourself, who else will? No one but you can make the pain go away.

Force yourself to have a positive attitude on life, do your loved one proud, become the best you can be knowing that they will be watching down on you smiling.

Grief is love's unwillingness to let go.

Friendships and relationships

 

Sometimes when someone leaves, the grief is worse because that person has chosen to leave, they have not been taken. You go through the same process, the same stages of grief.
You have to teach yourself that you deserve better. You have to find the strength in you to walk away from the people that don't treat you right. So many people talk to others as if they are better than them and being made to feel as if you're not good enough, or that you're beneath someone else is emotional abuse. Many people don't even know that they are being emotionally abusive, but if your partner, friend, boss WHOEVER is making you feel any of the following, I hope you find the strength to walk away.

• Embarrassed or humiliated
• Putting you down
• Refusing to talk to you
• Ignoring or excluding you
• Provocative behaviour with the opposite sex
• Being sarcastic and the use of an unpleasant tone when they talk to you (or at you)
• Unreasonable jealousy 
• Extreme moodiness
• Nasty jokes about you, or making fun
• "If you don't (example - wash up)... I will ____"
• Saying "I love you but.."
• Being in control, dominance
• Guilt trips
• Makes everything your fault
• Withdraws their affection
• Isolating you from your friends and family
• Uses money to control you
• Threatening to commit suicide if you leave

Many people sadly don't have good intentions, but with emotional abuse, it may just be their way of staying in control and they won't see or understand what they're doing to you emotionally. This doesn't make it okay.

Always walk away. However find it in your heart to forgive them. Even if they don't say sorry, even if their apologies are empty and meaningless, you'll feel much better being at peace with yourself. You have no time for negativity in your life and no one deserves to have it in their lives.

Put yourself first and look after yourself because your body and your mind is the only home you will ever have, don't let anyone else ruin your sanctuary. 

One thing that keeps me strong is thinking to myself, how amazing is it that the best days of our lives haven't happened yet, don't kick it in now, don't give up, keep pushing.

"Let it hurt, let is bleed, let it heal and let it go"

Have you given a spit? - Anthony Nolan stem cell donation

The interview that plays includes -
Tom Patrick - talks about NTUs own Zac
Sarah Roulstone - talks about the Anthony Nolan Charity
Josh Sharpe - talks about NTUs own Zac
And finally, Tony Mindham, who talks about his own stem cell transplant
 
Every 20 minutes, someone is diagnosed with blood cancer. Three people are saved every single day through stem cell donations, so why haven't you registered?

"It all starts with spit, or a little bit of blood. And thanks to the generosity of our donors, the new mums, the great minds in our labs, and the selflessness of our supporters, it can end with someone’s life being saved" Anthony Nolan is a blood stem cell donation charity that saves lives every day.

Today at Nottingham Trent University, the Anthony Nolan volunteers took hundreds of our students (and tutors) spit in order to help find a match for not just NTUs Zac Forskitt but for anyone with blood cancer. Registering with Anthony Nolan means that you are eligible until the age of 60 to donate your stem cells. 

So many young people are discouraged from singing up to donate because they think its painful. It isn't painful in the slightest, you are literally spitting in a tube!

The campaign has attracted hundreds of students to the Clifton campus where #IGIVEASPIT took place today in light of our brave Zac who was diagnosed early September with a tumour on his chest and also diagnosed with an aggressive form of leukaemia. Zac's friends, family and of course the NTU family have been donating to the cause ever since. In the first half an hour the JustGiving page soared upto £300 and now stands at almost £5000! You can donate here.
https://crowdfunding.justgiving.com/zac

I chatted to the inspirational Tony Mindham who has relapse lymphoma - a form of blood cancer. He was seriously ill to the point that he needed a stem cell transplant to survive. 

"Its a tremendous feeling that somebody that I don't know and doesn't know me is prepared to make the commitment to allow me to potentially have many years more of life" 

It is so so important that everyone registers to become a donor, not just for stem cells but for blood as well. You will never realize or fully appreciate the positive effects of someone donating their stem cells to someone with cancer, until it happens to you. 

Please join us in the #IGIVEASPIT campaign.

• You don't have to JUST donate your stem cells (http://www.anthonynolan.org/8-ways-you-could-save-life/donate-your-stem-cells)  to help the cause.  
• You can also save lives by raising money (http://www.anthonynolan.org/8-ways-you-could-save-life/raise-money) and awareness
• Take part in Anthony Nolan fund raising events (http://www.anthonynolan.org/8-ways-you-could-save-life/take-part-fundraising-event)
• By giving money (http://www.anthonynolan.org/8-ways-you-could-save-life/give-money)
  
•  Donating your umbilical cord (http://www.anthonynolan.org/8-ways-you-could-save-life/donate-your-umbilical-cord-blood)
• campaign with Anthony Nolan (http://www.anthonynolan.org/8-ways-you-could-save-life/campaign-us)
• volunteer (http://www.anthonynolan.org/8-ways-you-could-save-life/volunteer-us) and partner with Anthony Nolan!(http://www.anthonynolan.org/8-ways-you-could-save-life/partner-us)

https://crowdfunding.justgiving.com/zac


You can register online and have a free test sent to you via post at https://www.anthonynolan.org/apply-join-bone-marrow-register

The following soundcloud link is

Tackling Anxiety - self help

Anxiety sucks. There's no two ways about it, it's awful. It attacks you physically and mentally causing panic attacks, shaking, feeling sick, headache, a crazy rapid heartbeat and the inability to get on with your day to day life. But how does anyone begin to tackle anxiety?

I am one of the most headstrong, stubborn and proudest girls I know.
I HATE asking for help and I HATE letting people know when I need support. 

Before I came to university I was a bright, bubbly, confident girl but over my first year I developed anxiety. It developed to a stage where I wouldn't go into university if I wasn't taken in, I wouldn't go anywhere by myself, I even stopped going into university on the days that my course seminar groups were mixed up. I became reliant on my everyday routine and it took a dramatic toll on my life, my behavior and my relationships with friends. I became a shell of myself and looking back, I don't know nor do I like the girl that I became which is one of the hardest things to accept.

I told myself over and over again that I was fine and that I didn't need to talk to anyone about how I was feeling. Trust me, BAD MOVE!

These are the steps I took to get me back to a stronger, bubblier, more confident self.

• Acknowledge that you don't feel good, or well in yourself. If you deny your thoughts and feelings, you're denying yourself of getting on and ENJOYING your life!
• Speak to someone you really trust, someone that will give you that constant support you need i.e. family!
• Identify the problem. Why are you anxious? Notice the time of day when you feel anxious, who is around you? Where are you? How can you solve this, whilst maintaining a normal, healthy routine?
• Set yourself goals! Start little and build yourself up. Keeping pushing and challenging yourself.
• Look into 'mindfulness', practice your breathing especially when you begin to feel anxious so that it doesn't take over your mind.
• Tackle the problem head on. Its scary and at times horrible, but why should you suffer? Why should your life be hindered? Don't forget that GP's can help too!
• Look into counseling. There are so many free helplines to call, these can be found on http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/pages/mental-health-helplines.aspx
• Tell yourself that you are amazing. Tell yourself that you can do it because you are not defined by this illness and you are certainly not weak!
• And last but not least, don't let anyone walk over you, no matter who they are! No one deserves to be made to feel as if they are beneath anyone else.

  
Since dealing with anxiety I have learned so much about myself and continue to keep growing every day. My next goal is to smash my exams in a few weeks time and try to keep my stress levels to a minimum!

I realize this blog is quite long... And probably not for everyone (forgive me its my first time) but if I was to make just one positive impact on someone who is tackling anxiety that would be good enough for me! If you are suffering with anxiety, please remember that it does not define you, nothing but YOU can define you. 

Keep pushing, you're a lot stronger than you think!